As if the life of a two month old was not frustrating enough, C seems to be teething?!?!  He had been fussy for about a week before I even thought to look in his mouth.  I mean, he’s two months old and far too young for teeth to be debuting.  Or so I thought.  Yet, there on his gums, as if to spite me, were two very red, very angry looking tooth buds.  Poor baby!  Once this realization dawned, his Nana ran out immediately to get him some baby Orajel, hoping that at last we had found the solution to his fussy behavior.  How upset she was when she returned from the store with only the extra diapers she had bought on a whim and none of the necessities she had gone in search of.  Back to the store, this time with C’s auntie in tow, just to make sure Nana returned with ALL her purchases.

At last Nana returns and we look at the instructions for the baby Orajel.  It seems pretty straightforward…except it does not have any directions for two month olds!  “Under fourth months ask physician for instructions”  What?!?  It’s Saturday!  I may as well not have a physician with all the luck I would have tracking one down on a weekend.  Now what? Do I risk it and just put a small amount on his gums without the recommended referral?  Or do I try to find someone to direct me?

Since I am a first time mom, and thus obliged to be nervous, I call my pediatrician’s office.  I remember her mentioning something about a nurses’ hot-line.  Ok, so I call.  Yes, the office is closed. Yes, I know no one is there to answer my call.  No, this is not an emergency.  No, I don’t want to leave a message, I want an answer now!  Oh wait! I’m out of options!  Go back, go back!….But no, no reset button.

OK…maybe the almighty Internet can help me.  “Nurses free hot-line”  and Google! Nearly all the results are Canadian!  Damn Canucks and their free socialized medicine.  Thoughts race through my mind: Should I try to call one of the numbers anyways? Will I have to prove I’m Canadian? Should I look up a fake address to give them?  Will they now I’m calling from the US?  How long would it take just to fly to Vancouver?  Why oh why was I born in America? I would have gladly traded my allegiance at that moment if it would just stop my baby from crying.  Since citizenship changes take more than mere minutes, I’ll try something else.  I’ll Google my pediatrician.  Hey! She has a website!  Hurrah!  Ok, background info…oh look, she has kids too….office hours….FAQs, perfect! If I have a question when the office is closed, call and select the first emergency option. Huh?

I don’t know about you, but I’m hesitant to label things an emergency.  Teething, while painful for both baby and parent, does not seem to qualify as an emergency.  Well, hell! I’ll just call and do as directed…..miracle of miracles! The nurses hot-line is connected!  YES! Finally some medical advice.  The nurse seems very surprised that my two month old is teething.  I want to scream.  But I don’t.  OK, yes, he’s young, I get it.  What about the orajel? Let’s just get down to it!  OH, don’t use the orajel.  awesome…..Use baby Tylenol.  Which is at home, and not at Nana’s house.  ARGH!!!!  Is this yet one more thing for the already over-full diaper bag?  Should I just get a diaper suitcase?

Finally the voice of reason speaks up, Papa says just use the orajel.  Fine, I will go against the nurse’s advice.  And low and behold, it worked.  Baby stopped crying, mommy took a much needed nap, and days later he lives (despite the damn nurse’s advice).

To round out this story, we went to the pediatrician’s for his two month checkup and I proudly informed her I had diagnosed C as teething.  Imagine her surprise that a two month old would be teething.  Imagine my surprise when she informed me that it wasn’t actually the teeth that were causing the problem.  No, it was only his tooth buds, the teeth are not ready to come out yet…dear Lord, help me!