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Posts Tagged ‘bad day’

In re-starting this blog I wanted to give people an honest look at motherhood, the good and the bad, the successes and the failures.  With that in mind, I write today’s post.

I had a meltdown.  After a long week of putting on the brave face and saying, we’ll get through this, this will pass, etc., I finally had a breakdown.

Baby C has been challenging this week, to say the least.  I’ve had an average of 3-4 hours of sleep per night.  And I’ve had virtually no support.  My husband has been completely absent, either at work or so tired at home he was asleep or zoned out.  My cousin did help me on thursday for a few hours, but C was so challenging that I spent a lot of my time with the two of them.  I spent the rest of my time rushing from one chore to the next: piles of laundry, putting toys away, writing/mailing thank you cards, etc.  So by friday I was completely exhausted.

I had hoped my husband would take the day off, since his company stole his vacation last week, but no luck.  Instead, he went to work cranky.

On the home-front, C had a terrible day.  He was incredibly tired from not sleeping well all week either.  He didn’t want to eat cause his gums hurt.  He didn’t want to nap.  He didn’t want to play.  He just wanted to cry.  So all day I tried not to pull my hair out as my baby cried.  Sure we had short bursts of play time, when he was occupied and amused for a few minutes, but they didn’t last long.

I tried all my usual tricks.  Nothing worked.

By 6pm I was done.  Done!  My husband wouldn’t come home from work and I’m stuck in LA far from my family.  So I called my parents’ house crying, begging for someone to please come up and help me.  I spent the next half an hour watching C alternating between playing and crying, while I silently cried, trying not to go into hysterics.

My mom and husband showed up at the same time.  I silently handed over the baby, made his dinner, and locked myself in my bathroom.  I took a very long lavender-scented bath.  Even then, through the walls I could hear C crying. My nerves stayed on edge until at last I got dressed, made C a bottle and he finally fell asleep.  It still took me an hour to de-stress enough to sleep.

I’d like to tell you that it’s all ok today.  I’d like to say that everything’s fine.  It’s not and that’s the plain truth.  I’m not looking for sympathy.  I just want to be honest and let you know, motherhood isn’t always easy.  It’s rough and it’s ok if mommies have meltdowns.  The babies get to, why shouldn’t we?

I’m going to try and indulge myself in a few things today: chocolate, shopping, a nap, maybe even a pedicure.  Maybe this will make it better, maybe I just need a break.

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Bad Day

I’m exhausted today due to my mystery illness acting up. I’ve been in pain for almost 24 hours now. I take Vicadin to help with the pain, but I think my body is becoming used to the medication, because it doesn’t seem to work as well as it did before. It still makes me very tired, a little loopy, and nauseous.

I’m still waiting for test results to come back in, hopefully I’ll hear tomorrow. I’m growing more and more sure that there is something wrong with my “girl parts,” as my cousin said.

So for today, I’m going to snuggle with my dogs, watch reruns of Law and Order, and pray that someone figures out what’s wrong with me.

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