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Posts Tagged ‘worry’

Just a quick post about my neurosis for the day, as my anxiety only ended moments ago and I thought I’d share with you how my neurotic mind works.

Nearly all day the bottom of my right foot has been incredibly sore.  Alternating between aching and throbbing, I spent a good part of the day obsessing about what could possibly be wrong with me.

Was it some foot ailment?  Did I have falling arches or plantar faceitis (not that I know what either of those mean, I just know that they are painful foot ailments)?  Was it a pulled muscle?  Could you even pull a muscle on the bottom of your foot?

Or was it something worse?  The bottom of your foot is related to a lot of nerves in your body, as well as having many pressure points that relieve stress and other emotional ailments.  Did the pain on the bottom of my foot mean that I had something metaphysically wrong with me?  Was my chi out of whack?  Did it signify that there was a problem deep within me that I didn’t even know about?!?!?

After considering whether or not to call a friend who is an Eastern medicine practitioner, I thought I’d wait it out.  My foot felt better when it was properly supported.  I probably just need better insoles (or to not walk around barefoot all the time).  No need to alert anyone.

I was willing to leave it at that, just grin and bear it, waiting it out, when in the hazy blue light of the tv I saw something on the ground.  It was a kind of square shadow.  Weird.

That’s when I remembered: two nights ago, in the middle of the night, half asleep, I had stepped on one of my son’s blocks that frequently dot the floor like hard little land mines.  At last I had an answer!  It was a block shaped bruise on the bottom of my foot, deep and painful.

Just one more sacrifice to the mothering gods!

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I would like to apologize to you, my faithful reader 😉 for not posting as often. My life seems to be strangely complicated and full for someone without a full time job. But here is the update on what’s going on with me. I promise to write a full blog on each of these topics sometime in the near future.

1. My backyard is nearly completion, with the concrete set to be poured this week. So many more decisions have been required of me and I’ve become friendly with a few of the workers (who are sweet enough to ask about my health every few days).

2. I’m tutoring 20+ hours a week, which actually requires some preparation. I have a different student for every hour and every student has a different set of problems or needs. Even my students who are coming in for the same class (AP European History) each have different requests of me each session! Argh!

3. As you all know my health has been awful the last few months and it continues to be so. I find myself making adjustments to my lifestyle in anticipation of the pain I know I will have. The vicadin is losing its effectiveness and I’m having to endure the pain all on my own more and more frequently. The doctor also diagnosed me with gastritis, meaning my stomach lining is inflamed, but it turns out it’s not an infection, it’s just been caused by stress and irritation due to the painkillers. So I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

Also, I’ll be going to the ObGyn sometime soon since it turns out I have not one ovarian cyst, but three. If you ever had a cyst you know the pain it can cause, now triple that. But more on that later.

4. Lastly, it’s Christmas. And with me not working for the last few months and only working part time now, money is tight. I want to shower my friends and family with gifts, but I have not the means to do it. As a result I am using every resource available to me, even gift cards I’d saved from the wedding and my birthday, to buy presents for people. It does make me feel better to buy someone the perfect gift, so I am happy to do it. It sooths my pain, both physical and mental.

Tomorrow I will report on what the doctor told me today and what that means for the future. Until, then I ask humbly that you remember me in your prayers.

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