Rough Day

Sometimes mommies have rough days. Sometimes they are just tired, worn down, and grumpy for no good reason.

And you know what?

That’s ok. We’re allowed.

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Broken

Aside from having a craptastic couple of weeks, my blog hasn’t been working correctly. I don’t know if it’s WordPress, my internet connection or what, but I can’t type up a full blog post, only these quickies.

I’m going to take it as a sign from the universe that I need a few more days before I write a long post, so maybe I don’t sound like a raving lunatic or a complete B (either of which have been perfectly possible these last couple of weeks). Ok, universe. Message received. I’ll avoid scaring my friends and family for a few more days. Thanks for looking out!

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Finally

Finally feeling better, but still worn out. Hand Foot Mouth disease basically sucks. And as much as I love my son, I now view him as a tiny disease incubator.

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Mmmmm….bread

I may have gotten a little over-excited today, or maybe I was just suffering hunger pains from my diet, either way, I ordered a bread-maker.

In my defense, it was on sale and it’s a Cuisinart..and it was a ridiculously good deal….and I love bread….mmmm….bread.

Visions of fresh, steaming bread danced before my eyes as I hit the purchase button. The heady aromas of carrot or zucchini bread seemed to waft directly off the computer screen. What a wonderful mother I would be serving my child bread I baked with my own two hands (and the help of a fancy electrical appliance)! How great would that be?!?!? The answer: so great!

Ahhhh…I can already taste it…

Now that it’s late at night and I’m feeling rather bloated from my chicken and pasta dinner, I’m wondering WHAT IN THE WORLD POSSESSED ME TO BUY A BREAD MAKER?

When did I think I would have time to make bread? And when will I be eating said bread, since I’m allegedly on a low carb diet? Where in the world am I going to store this darn monstrosity?

I am already overloaded with unused or under-used appliances. My beautiful, cherry-apple red counter top mixer is currently collecting dust as it pitifully lays on its side in the back of a cupboard.

so beautiful, so lonely

And, I believe at this point that my sleek, oh-so-fancy immersion mixer has been used…once.

And so I bought a bread-maker to really round out my kitchen. I think we can safely say that now my kitchen is complete.

ooooohhhhhh….the Belgian waffle maker is also on sale? I totally need that!

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Disorienteering

One is now fully dialated, while the other remains normal. I’m so disoriented that this will be my only post for the day. My tales and trials will have to wait for another day.

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Eye Pain, Book Fairs, and More

It’s been a crazy couple days, all beginning with an allergy attack, then a huge fight with my husband, house hunting, a book fair and an eye infection, though not in that precise order. I promise to write all about it and make up for several days absence. But I need to wait until after my doctor’s appointment today because reading for any prolonged period of time is quite painful (and my worst nightmare, you can imagine). So I’ll catch you all up later, hopefully without an eye patch.

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Tasty Experiments

So far today Baby C has attempted to eat dog food, flower petals, and paper. Yum!

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Moms Club Fail

Not living near my family and having few friends with children, I joined a Moms Club for moral support and socialization. Though I love my friends without children, there is something that intangibly changes in how you relate to others when you have a child. I felt that shift and longed to be in the company of other mothers.

Little did I realize that sharing motherhood does not equal friendship. Women are just as crazy being mothers as they were before they had kids.

And though I hoped to find friendship in the Moms Club, I found only frustration. So I’m calling it: done with Moms Club.

Could all my local friends have babies now so I have people to talk to? I’d appreciate it! Thanks!

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A new theme, a new me

Did I really just write that?  A new me?  Well, I guess I do think of myself in a new way, as a new me.

I am essentially the same person as I was over a year ago, before pregnancy.  I still love the same movies, I love my library school, I am still completely nerdy for things like historical fiction and vampire movies/tv shows.  And while my tastes in things helped to define me (and my group of friends) for most of my life, suddenly things are different.

Motherhood now seems to define me.  You may object, “what? no! don’t let motherhood be the only thing that defines you! be an individual! go out and indulge in your hobbies and interests.”  excellent advice, stranger.  And once my son is regularly sleeping through the night, or maybe not until he goes to pre-school, I fully plan on reclaiming my independence (well at least in part).

Until my son is more of an individual, I think individuality will be extremely difficult for me to attain.  My interests will be my sons interests, or more to the point, my interests will mainly be my son!  At this stage in his life C is completely dependent on me for nearly every aspect of survival.  I’m finding it difficult to focus on anything other than helping him thrive.  I do enjoy my moments of quiet independence here and there.  About once a week, I’ll draw myself a bubble bath and read a good book (I have no time to waste on bad books).  Sometimes, at night, when C is asleep, before I drift off, I roam Etsy or research resort vacations and indulge in my fantasy life.  These moments are rare, typically squeezed into tight minutes that better spent in more productive pursuits.  And, also typically, they are often interrupted.  Most of the time I am happy to rush to my son, but I must admit, there are moments when I’ll sink lower in the warm bath water, waiting just a few seconds longer for the heavy husband footsteps to cross to the crib.

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